The L-Word to have a spin-off?

There is a rumour flying that the L Word shall have a spin-off. This begs the question, which character will be the main focus, the centre of all our lesbionic attention?

OR

???
Or someone else?

Any preferences, ladies?
Apparently, the luscious lady herself has not yet been informed by the powers that be of her impending new series.

Withdrawal...

Any of you suffering from withdrawal symptoms now that we're all on an L-Word hiatus?

Then click (but not unless you have already watched season 5) below:

The L Word, S5. Ep. 12: Loyal and True

Season 5 draws to a close, and once again continuity was not the forte of the writers of the L-Word. Not that it ever was.
The leaps and bounds, the strands of narrative left hanging, never cease to amaze me.

Off the top my head, I can think of Papi (who disappeared off the face of the earth and the chart without so much as a mention), Mark, Helena's children, the fact that Kit, Tina AND Bette can all be out and about, but where is little Angelica in all this (attachment parenting, hello?), Bette and Helena hugging like best friends, Marina (oh, remember Marina) auditioning for Les Girls with her troupe, Carmen, and so on.

Also, I don't know who directed this episode (couldn't be bothered to look it up), but the direction sucked: the sideways profile (Shane/Phyllis scene), the filming through fabric or blinds (Bette and Tina, Jenny and Tina) , the seguing of Bette and Tina in traffic and the chopper overhead with Mama P and the jellyfish venom inside, ack!

But on to more interesting things, the storylines:

- Alice/Tasha: I guess the poster on the bus means that Alice DID get the job. Hurray, and thanks for mentioning that. So being on 'The Look' now means that she has to go dress like Audrey Hepburn in Roman Holiday, so she can take a ride on a Vespa.
And what's with the identical dressing this season? The Wardrobe people must be on drugs: Bette and Tina, Bette and Jodi, Alice and Clea... Need I go on?
Was the Cal-Mart badge a dead give-away that the Alice/Tasha relationship was going down the drain, or was it the police academy that cinched it? At any rate, I almost feel that season 6 will start sans Tasha, with once again no mention of what happened. I'll be very sad to see Rose Rollins go and I will definitely miss her belly laugh. Just seems amazing how Alice is capable of throwing her own principles (remember last week's eppy) out of the window when it suits her. But let's face it, if you're taking advice from Shane on your relationship, you might just as well call it quits.

- Shane/Molly: wow, how quick does Shane cave in to Phyllis on her future with Molly?! Coming from someone who just threw twenty years of marriage down the drain to rediscover her inner lesbian, that is a bit rich. (Also for some reason, Cybill Shepherd reminded me of Dawn French in that scene. All she needed was a giant baby strapped on). But I also think any best friend should know better than to hop on to the best friend's ex, especially when everything is so fresh and raw. That said, in the lesbian world of six degrees of separation, everything is possible, I guess.

- Jenny/Nikki/Adele: pff, I'm guessing that the balcony scene, as it will henceforth be known, (to replace that old favourite, which goes something along the lines of 'O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo) means the end of exciting purple strapon sex. Ah, had we had but more of that this season. I'm looking at you, Bette and Tina! It also gave a whole new meaning to the expression "safe sex", didn't it.
As for Adele and Begonia: it's almost as if she lives out Jenny's life as it should have been? Success, and the hot exotic girlfriend to boot.
And Jenny could have done MUCH more when she walked in and told Adele that she stole the movie from under her.
The end of this episode was slightly puzzling: was this a cliffhanger? Was Jenny referring to Nikki or Shane when she dropped the 'love' word ? Guess we'll have to wait another ten months to find out. Now if this was Dynasty or As The World Turns, someone would have walked up with a machine gun or someone would have fallen off a balcony... No such luck here.

- Jodi: I must have missed something because at what point did Jodi become BFF with everybody overnight? Since I never was on the Jodi bandwagon, let's just say that this episode did nothing to make me change my mind.
The 'Core' installation was downright spiteful and the smirk that served it too. Also, I must have been asleep during the past six episodes, because did ANYBODY ever see a videocam in the vicinity of Bette? We all did see the one in Nikki and Jenny's tent (how could we ever forget that memorable scene and the purple dildo) but at Bette's house? And why would someone who is deaf, make an AUDIOvisual installation?
And personally, I'd be dialling Joyce Wischnia's number ASAP for assault of character or whatever it is that they call it these days instead of doing a paltry imitation of Annie Leibovitz's photo of Lennon/Ono.

- Bette/Tina: it must have been a pretty bad week at casa Porter/Kennard. First Tina gets kicked off her own set by scheming Adele (if you want this movie on time and on budget) and then Bette gets some pretty strong medicine levelled at her by Jodi. No wonder their heads aren't thinking straight, as Bette mentions having a 'baby brother or sister' for Angelica during the poolside scene. Um, hello, you haven't even decided whether you want to live together yet, have been reunited for all of twelve seconds, and you're talking babies? This will never fly in Peoria, or with the lesbians for that matter. On a nicer note, the ladies took dancing to a whole new level ;-)... The word 'floorgasm' has already been coined.

- Helena: I'll admit to having fanned myself as a sun-kissed, tussled Helena tumbled from under that chopper to greet Peggy P. So Mama P got herself stung by a jellyfish? I was reminded of this story in last week's news. With her untimely demise near, Peggy giveth, taketh and giveth again... and after all that, recommends Helena to go buy Kit a night club, or two... I'm lost for words. And did we see the old Helena shine through there, as she admits to being bored with life on a remote paradise island in Tahiti with a hot criminal wanted for tax evasion? On to the next thrill, rich girl.

- Double D: my God, my lovah Cindy has a middle and last name. It's Cindy Annabel Tucker, if you please, and she manages to serve Denbot her just desserts. And then, for some reason, she's glued to Helena. 'Mmkay?

- Max, wherefore art thou?

Some good moments this season:

- Bette: was Mary fucking Poppins not available (on learning that Bev would be played by a white actress)
- Mama P: Were I receptive to such a proposition, it would first require a full booty check. Were you to pass muster baby, I'd give it to you family style. (hmmm, sigh, Holland Taylor, I love how you steal every scene you're in).
- Pam Grier for being able to turn two words into a whole line. Max for getting fewer lines every eppy (hi guys, in ep. 12)
- Fuck no, Denbo (Alice?)
- Nikki/Jenny: We’re going to fuck in a closet? The irony hasn’t escaped me.

On a last note: I can hear groans all around about the baby mention, but has anybody thought about the fact that either Holloman or Beals might be really pregnant and that this has to be worked into the storyline again? They both have three-year olds or thereabouts...

And WHY did someone have to blend the song "2Wicky" by Belgian band Hooverphonic with an Isaac Hayes song and turn it into an onslaught on our ears??? (I'm so vocal on this one, because it was the first song that SO and I shared as a couple, and part of the lyrics made up the title of my first ever post on this blog).

Here, as my parting shot for this season, is the song with the splendid vocals by Liesje Sadonius...

Now if someone would take the memorable Bette and Tina floorgasm and put this to this music, I certainly wouldn't object.

The L Word S.5 Ep. 11 - Lunar Cycle

The longest breakup in lesbian film history is finally behind us. Yay! And oy vey, how tedious it was. Twelve stages of push and pull ending in a truly anticlimactic departure of Jodi, leaving Bette with an expensive Tag Heuer watch. I don't get it. There are so many more meaningful gifts to give... especially coming from an artist such as Professor Lerner. A work of your own (expensive) art, maybe? Or was this simply a corporate-imposed brand plug?

But let's rewind and go back to that ill-fated moment when Jodi walked into the Planet in an identical outfit to Bette's. I already remarked on the omni-presence of pink in this season (someone, please tell the stylist already that it's overkill). The scene in Bette's other status symbol, the Lexus, was too much: even the babyseat matched their outfits. And Angelica, in the last scenes was also wearing pink.

I know I should pay more attention to the events at Bette's house, but honestly: if that was me, I would have just pointed at the door. Being kept hostage in your house for half a day by a woman, who then, all of a sudden, starts acting normal and accompanies you to your office and then still refuses to get the message? I sense a bunny in the pot next episode. A core values bunny...

Moving on, Jenny finally met her match: Adele - cool as a cucumber - took over at the helm in an easy putsch. This just as everyone was beginning to realise la Schecter's a creative genius (if the dialogue in the Nina/Bev scene is anything to go by, I declare a bomb at the box office, but who am I, n'est-ce pas?). C'mon, a sex tape, a call to William, and voilà, she's in the director's chair? And do we really believe that she is doing it for Les Girls? All shall be revealed in next week's episode, I suppose. You would think that Jenny would have learnt from the whole Mark episode (a whole season of Mark, remember Mark? Where did samurai boy vanish to?).

Meanwhile Shane and Jenny are left to drown their mutual sorrows with a bong and a lot of alcohol. And where was Mollykins in all this? For a moment there, I almost suspected that the writers were ready for it: friendly sex and a final insight. But no such thing, as the oracle known as Max walked in. And Jenny declared Nikki to be dead to her, thus paving the way for *insert spoiler here*.

I did mention my reserves and worries about Tasha and Alice, and during this episode they were confirmed. Pretty young (soup-chef lookalike) Australian designer hits the Look and home, right into Alice's heart. Meanwhile Tasha and Alice seem to be on different wavelengths.

Kit, pushed into a corner by Denbo and her lovah Cindy, decides it's time to go all Foxy Brown on us. 'She won't budge when she carries a grudge'... Only little Angelica can sway her: first as the ringtone for Bette, and later when playing with Kit's gun. I saw that one coming too, but thankfully the writers that be decided on a positive outcome for that story arc. I will refrain from commenting on the idiocy of throwing the gun WITH YOUR PRINTS in the dumpster.

It was largely an uneventful episode this week after last week's sexanigans. Not a boob in sight. An episode that was written to showcase Marlee Matlin's acting talent and to wrap up some storylines in anticipation of the finale and season 6's eight episodes. But hey, maybe the writer's team's lunar cycles were all up in the air... or maybe there was some rampant PMS raging. I would have never guessed it from all the references to it...

PS - I kept thinking that the Clea character looked familiar, but it just dawned on me. She played the role of Pauline in Heavenly Creatures, that Mario Lanza murder extravaganza!
Fun moment: Kit and Max rolling their eyes at all the PMS-bitchslapping going on around them. Shane actualling reading something (the NYT no less). And on a final note, I'll admit to feeling sorry for Jenny this episode.

The L word S. 5 Ep. 10 'Lifecycle'

Given that most of this week's episode screamed Camp Winnelesbo, this review will focus on just that.

First, let me remark on the fact that it took Mama Chaiken a whole 11 episodes to do the honourable thing and give some credit or mention the early and unnecessary demise of Dana. 11 episodes, Ilene! Ah Dana, we miss you. And a shout-out to my SO's Aunt Donna, who is a breast cancer survivor!

By the end of this episode, however, it was obvious that Team Dana would never ride again. In the meantime, we had more than 30 minutes of dykes on bikes (yeah, yeah, easy, I know). And how well equipped these damsels came. Bette, kitted out to the T and even speaking tour de lesbo speak (pull up, to your left). Kit, fit, and on a bike. At least she had some screentime this eppy. Even Shane managed to get that wiry puny body of hers to accelerate.

Speaking of Shane: this relationship with Molly is just the next in a string of one-way streets. Meanwhile young Nikki has already let her beady eye roam along the non-existing curves of Shane's bod. You just know that we are heading for a fall. I'm also worried about the Tasha and Alice storyline. Of course, it's the L Word and we've had five seasons of this, and a sixth in the making, so we've come to expect this, but still... And did you know that there was segregation in gay clubs? I guess that maybe I haven't been riding the bus long enough to know.

But on to more exciting things because this is definitely the season in which the L Word discovered sex. I can just picture it now: meeting in board room - bunch of suits around the table talking to Mama Chaiken. "But Ilene, you need to think about the male demographic". Yeah, their and my hormones were surely in a tizz as Nikki girded her loins in the Taj Mahal tent after which Jenny added a nice purple penis to the already quite pretty picture of Nikki in a harness. I had to pinch myself to remind myself that this was American TV.

And American TV wouldn't be quite complete without ads. At some point, this episode edged conspicuously nearer to a Tampax ad. It had chick flick written all over it. Although when Alice and Shane joined Tina in her tent, beer bottles in hand, and Alice said 'What the fuck?", for a moment there, I definitely had a case of déjà vu. Remember the wassuuuup ads for Budweiser?

Cue campfire delight. For a moment there I thought that they were going to play spin the bottle and already I could visualise some interesting kissing combos. Alas, it was a game of 'I never... ' and well, I never would have guessed that the Bette/Tina/Jodi showdown was going to happen there and then. But as the discussion focused on the definition of cheating, the shit hit the fan, and Jodi stomped out of the magic circle leaving Bette and an unhappy Max in her wake. SO at that point reflected on the fact that Bette doesn't "really" have any friends (except Shane maybe).

Jenny's summing up of the situation reflected our thoughts exactly. She really is Mama Chaiken's alter ego. Bette and Tina belong together. Word!

* Props this episode to Kit for making some hideous headfashions work anyway. Girl, we miss your fro!
* Quote of the day: my pussy is so numb(Jenny). It will be even sorer tomorrow, dear, from all that riding.
* Rose Rollins and Jennifer Beals have the best laughs. So infectious.
* I *like totally* didn't know The North Face created such palatial tents or I would have actually gone on a camping trip before. This of course hinges on there being a socket in the tent to plug in a hairdryer, in which case I would consider roaming the wilderness.

And finally: I wanted to illustrate this post with a pic of Nikki's pretty buttocks in all their strap-on lusciousness, but I thought that would be rather NSFW. I'm sure that you will be able to find the image somewhere in cyberspace to satisfy your wicked curiosity.

The L Word S5 Ep 9 - Liquid Heat

Was this episode an homage to the Coppola family or what?

Starting with the L-Word version of the Godfather, with Don Bette and Sonny Kit as her sidekick. All we needed was a horse’s head in Bette’s bed once Jodi finds out what’s really going on. And the end of the episode only required different lighting since the music was already there, et voilà, a Sofia Coppola movie. OK, I’m exaggerating, but still.

Let’s get down to business. Literally. As the last 5 minutes or so were all about getting down (and dirty?).

Welcome back Max for starters. Maybe I won’t be making friends here but I actually thought that was hot (to quote next season’s new guest star, Paris Hilton). I admit to being puzzled at first: let’s face it, Max made his entrance into the L-world as Jenny’s boyfriend, then transitioned, then did Billy (albeit under the influence of the hormones), then shifted back to Grace and now is with Tom. And for the first time, also a bottom instead of a top, as was the case with Billy. I had the odd sense that for Max it was quite liberating to be with somebody who really was interested in him, after overcoming the whole gender issue.

On to Alice and Tasha: it is getting hotta in here. Alice is seemingly back to normal again and it is quite cute to watch them. Especially the scene where Tasha is ‘feeling’ the humdrum noise of the rush hour. Mind you, if I lived there, I’d have to move. Waaaay too much noise.

I really felt sorry for Shane at the end. This is the straight crush that won’t go away, but it has also put Shane on the receiving end for once. Her just desserts, some might say. Do you feel as if she is nothing else but a sexperiment for Molly? Who just wants to drive her mother back out of the lesbian world and into her father’s arms? We’ll see.

Jenny/Nikki/Adele: teen sex and an incredulous Nikki locking lips with Adele. A lot was made of the letter that Jenny had written, but what if Adele had re-written it?

Kit is in overdrive this episode, although the scene where manages to keep her baby sister under her thumb and immediately reads Bette like an open book is quite touching.

Jodi is getting the short end of the stick, whichever way you look at it. In that sense, this episode was rather strange, if you look at Bette’s scenes.

The scene by the pool: Jodi leaps into the pool, liberated as she is (visions of Marlee Matlin in children of a lesser god). The scene with Bette and Jodi by the pool was cruel. I can see why she wouldn’t be so happy about Jodi’s attentions, excessive as they are. A bit of overacting there, I think. That said, saying ‘I love Tina’, while knowing your lover can’t here you, is downright unpleasant. The scene in the elevator is quite revealing at another level, as they don’t actually discuss feelings, but limit themselves to superficiality (you surround yourself with beauty, we have the same friends, etc,). I also have a pair of comfortable slippers, but at the end of the day, I’m not married to them, if you see what I’m getting at. A relationship is about much more than that, and the ‘I love you’ seemed so hollow, and added on an afterthought. Also note that Tina says affair, while Bette wants to come home. Add to that that Tina is still chatting up the AD and what do you get? Two ships in the mist, albeit some hot mist.

Love in an elevator(1): I know, I know, give me one chocolate and I want the whole bar. It had been built up in such a way that I expected a major explosion. It was a minor bang. The previews led me to expect more, for some reason; there have been better scenes between these two in the past. But as my SO remarked: I hate the Tina character, but I find that I can watch her when she has onscreen time with Bette. These two are simply made for each other.

And finally: double D’s rumble at She-Bar. I’m not familiar with Miami customs but I did find this scene a bit strange. Does this mean that you can’t survive in WeHo if you’re not in with Bette and her crowd? I also got the feeling that Fuck no, Denbo was still in the driver’s seat as the new kid on the block. Although her lover Cindy seems to want to dispute that. Laughed at Jenny’s comment (she’s pyschotic).

Weirdness:

- Nikki’s nipple tape.

- Molly’s ‘weird, boobs’ comment.What a major turn-off.

- Visions of Olivia Newton John in Grease every time Jenny was in the picture. And what’s with the identical shoes for Adele? Is Jenny that blind?

- How interesting to play a lesbian in a lesbian series, and watch your real-life daughter acting getting her freak on with another woman, while both of you are straight?

- Fun: the shot of Phyllis upside down from Molly’s perspective.

- A thought: looking at the excess fabric around Laurel Holloman’s waistline, could it be that she is once again with child? (Which is why we are careening towards a happy end for Bette and Tina, going for baby number two in the next season?)

* A shout-out has to go out to Joyce Wischnia for wearing that tank top and giving Phyllis a dose of her own medicine.

* Refrigerator scene: how many of you wanted to be that tub of ice-cream!

!! Photo courtesy of Dorothy Surrenders.

(1) Aerosmith brought out this song 13 years ago. I'm feeling very old all of a sudden!

The L Word - Season 5 Ep 8 - Lay down the law!

Time constraints mean that this review will be somewhat shorter than usual. So let's get straight to the point. I'll even put my glasses on for it. Of course, I'll never be able to throw you a glance like this one:

I didn't feel much sympathy for many of the characters this episode and I can't quite figure out why. Maybe it's because I've read too many spoilers, or maybe because we've all had some Tina and Bette gratification and we're already over it... or maybe this wasn't such a good episode.

Tasha's storyline: the witch hunt by those excellent gents and lady of the US army drew to an unexpected end, which we all expected to a certain extent. The scenes in the gym revealed what I had guessed during last episode, namely that Kelly McGillis' character swung a little left off centre and had a healthy interest in the same sex herself. How she chooses to exercise it, is another matter. Sideways glances in the changing room and a hefty glass of whiskey are an interesting side-effect of 'Don't ask, don't tell', don't you think. But hey, whatever makes you happy, I guess.
As for the hearing itself: the Salem factor was definitely there. Martinez's remark elicited a huge guffaw from my SO (after which she held her belly and screamed oww for about a minute, due to the stitches). To serve under/underneath...
I meanwhile screamed 'Veronica Lake' at the screen, as I saw the forties wartime version of Alice walking down the hall (some interesting dress choices going for Alice lately. The quaker dress last week for her interview, the fifties preppy look on the Look). Alice's hairdo on the second day of the hearing was a dead ringer for Lake or Lauren Bacall (as usual, my b&w film fetish has kicked in in full throttle).



But Alice's little session of bluff poker led to an unexpected dénouement as Col. Davis suddenly requested a recess, telling Alice to back off in exchange for the equivalent of a plea bargain for Tasha. So what does Tasha do? She tells the army 'up yours' and chooses Alice instead. Merciful God, the real Alice Pieszecki is back. On an interesting side note that is completely unrelated, that clickety thing on my gas hob is known as a piezo-electric ignition system. Piezo pieszecki. Way to go girl.

I'm dispensing with all the Jenny drama in this episode. Suffice to say that she looked pitiful while waiting outside the theatre as the evil Adele charmed all the folk inside and worked little Nikki like a modern-day Svengali (kiss the boy).

Did anyone catch Kit eyeing Shane's behind in the photos posted on Dorothy Surrenders?

And the glances by Kroll & Kroll (senior and junior) in the Planet cast towards Shane were quite memorable too.

Speaking of the lesbian Fonz: Shane doing Shane? That's altogether too meta for my taste.

And are you also amazed by the fact that Shane can sign? Wow, Bette fluent in just a few weeks and here is Shane signing away effortlessly. I wish I was so linguistically fluent. Would make my job a whole lot easier.

Bette/Tina/Jodi: their lives seem so complicated. Organising a simple dinner party becomes major drama/rama. The Indian food remark was classic: another reason why Bette and Jodi's relationship is doomed to fail. Ok, that, the onion, and the kaftan.
And is everybody blind that they don't notice what is going down between Bette and Tina? Get your hormones in check already ladies, and just go find a room. I'm waiting for Shane/Joda (hey wait a minute, maybe Shane is yin to Jodi's yang. Get it: jodi/joda? Dumb joke, I know) to pipe up at some point, but that will probably be in next week's episode.

Some final thoughts:
* Hello Max, where are you? Snapped up by the aliens?
* Tasha looked real snappy in her uniform. See, that's why they should have gays in the military.
* I might want to take up boxing for anger management purposes. I think it would do me a world of good.
* the kiss between Tasha and Alice only needed that corny song from 'An Officer and A Gentleman' to complete the scene: Love lifts us up where we belong...

Interesting piece of dialogue:
Tina: [after a long pause] I don't wanna break up you and Jodi. That's not anything I want. I don't wanna be part of that.
Bette: What if I want to?
Tina: Do you?
Bette: I really don't like who I am becoming right now, and when I think about Angie, it's just ... it's just not behavior that I want to model for our daughter.
--- but she didn't really answer the question, now did she.

Photo of Kelly McGillis courtesy of didielekker.blogspot.com

The L Word Season 5 Episode 7: Lesbians gone wild!

Bowwow-chickabowwow! What an episode!
No write-up would be complete without mentioning the lesbian turkish oil wrestling, which dominated the episode (approx. 10 mins of screentime and several mentions throughout).
Did you too get the idea that the writers were sitting around the table, clueless for inspiration and one of them suddenly said: hey, what about that clip by Junior Jack with the women bikini chicks wrestling?



Ah, stereotypes. This series seems to love 'em. The plastic women of the 'The Look' including a blonde Dawn Denbo with bulletproof hair but no botox mind you, because I actually saw a creased forehead, the plastic reporter of the behind the scenes videoshoot (a movie about a group of lesbian friends living in Los Angeles - incredulous face, ooh, aah, shock and awe)... And how did you all like preppy Alice, and mychart/theirchart/ourchart? Alice has officially become page six, on the outing trail for every episode. Want the job, out the gays, girl. So media-hungry. I liked the little jibe at Fox News though, which kind of restored my faith in her for a second although I wouldn't mind having the old Alice back (Dana era).

But I feel that this episode is more about Darling Nikki. Nikki who fluffs her lines, but who is playing the role of her life with Jenny, as is obvious from the scene at the end, when she walks about aimlessly searching, before Jenny approaches her. And maybe about Adele.

Amy likes Jodie who loves Bette, who loves Tina, who likes Sam. It's a love chain!
Jodie's face at Amy's question about how is it with you two is priceless.
Bette and Tina flirting on the bed of the K-mart bedroom set, with Tina positively cartwheeling off the bed, is even better.

The military storyline: for those of you too young to remember, I just wanted to remind you that Colonel Davis was already in the military in the past. Remember this?

I know of someone, who has been in Tasha's situation in the US army. Luckily, she came off better than Tasha, who is being tried for Chapter 15 behaviour. But we discussed this and the general idea was that the military has its code of justice and you know that when you join. No matter which way it is worded, you're not supposed to gay. Don't ask, don't tell, eased up the pressure but at the end of the day, we feel that she is waging a losing battle. Although with the L Word, you never know.
But I was intrigued by Colonel Davis' expressions every time she spoke to Tasha: did I notice a glimmer of compassion there? Specifically when Tasha said Chapter 15.

Bette babysitting Molly: and taking her that den of iniquity known as the set of Lez Girls! Trailer sex, bedroom set sex, you name it sex...I love it. My SO screamed when she saw Molly: it's a Sandra Bernhard lookalike!

Adele: cut, print. And that's all I have to say about that.

Quote of the day: lesbians can be respectable, stable, accomplished people.... Ah, now have we seen any of those in the past four seasons??? You could have fooled me.
Quote two of the day: Molly to Shane: you're the Fonz for lesbians.
I so love military speak by the way: engage, breach of protocol, O-3...

What will the next episode bring, I ask myself...

The L Word Season 5 Episode 6 - Lights! Camera! Action!

Sign up for your non-spoilerific blindfold here....

Another week, another episode of the L-Word. And honeys, it's ON! In fact, everybody's getting it on. Tibetters around the world were wetting their pants in anticipation and lo behold, even Jennifer Beals' breasts (and the shadow of a nipple) put in an appearance.

So for a rundown of this week's merry events:

- Bette & Tina: I positively feel like a deer in the headlights here. Who could have predicted that in the span of five episodes we'd go from this:

to this:

???

The top photo is the girls' expressions as they find out what's in store for them over the next season. It must be Bette's phenomenal cooking. Maybe she'll come over and be our chef for Valentine's Day? Don't get me wrong, I'm far from complaining about the eye candy factor. In fact, a little birdie tells me that these two, unlike their fictitious counterparts in Lez Girls probably have an excellent lesbian love coach. My SO was fanning herself during love scene 2 (or maybe it's the hormone replacement therapy kicking in?) All the better for us, that's all I can say, all the better... and by the way, I'm so putting in a call for Tina's lingerie right now.

But first, let's discuss some meta stuff: did the Tina character in the initial clip and her ovulation kit remind you of a toothpaste ad too? All I could think of was Colgate bi-fluoride with Pinocchio the wooden puppet as its star? And was Jenny vicious when casting the same aspiring actress for the role of Tina or what? Then a frigid kiss, which inevitably led to the discussion at Casa de Montes how much a repulsive kiss was worth, i.e., if you had to tongue smooch someone for 10,000 USD, would you do it (say... George Bush, or Laura?). As for the people at Showtime, they must be revelling in a sense of déjà vu, don't you think? No new sets or locations, it's all there already.

This was the episode where little Angelica spoke even though it was only a oneliner. She's getting so big already. But damn, those rats must have been huuuuuuge, since she referred to them as puppies. Yerch. I can see now why Kit is practicing her gunmanship. But knowing Ilene Chaiken's penchant for death (why *did* Dana have to die?) and big issues, I also have this awful premonition that this will all lead to some horrific gun drama.

On a secondary note, I keep on wondering where poor Angelica sleeps on a constant basis. What with her moms' partying and general hot and botheredness.

Alice heroically pulled the plug on another relationship this episode. She reminds me of a butterfly, flitting here and there, but never quite finding a moment's rest. Funny how the difference with the character of Tasha was emphasized so blatantly in the parting scene after the golden harmony of the last weeks.

I cringed during the scene in Phyllis' office, as Jodie resigned.... 'I have Bette'. It felt a little like a pantomime, with the audience screaming 'Oh no, you don't'. Meanwhile Bette was looking guiltier by the minute. Being held up as the poster children for lesbian couple of the year by Phyllis probably didn't help either. Enter Cybill Shepherd's real daughter, as her fictitious daughter. It's all so very meta. Shane, of course, immediately meat-tagged her. I'm beginning to see a trend in Shane's interests of late: they're all blondish, tall, big shouldered and meatier than her (Paige, Cindy, la Shepherd's daughter). But be careful Shane, dear, as Dawn Denbo is still a-smarting. Personally I smell a rat.

Do you suppose, after watching this issue, that someone has an issue with Vancouver? And did you love the locations lady and her premonitive remark about the movie going over budget? At least we know that Vancouver has good shopping, viz. that very interesting scene at Holt Renfrew with Jenny and Adele. It was like watching the technicolor fashion show vignette and hommage to Adrian in 'The Women' (1939). The wardrobe budget for the movie must have been blown in one shopping expedition. Although I can't blame them, when I saw Jenny in her red wellies. They so needed to shop. And what a nice gift the lead actress, Nikki, got: a pendant from David Yurman. Up and coming artistes have expensive tastes once they leave the Midwest and become fashion forward. The outcome: hey presto, Jenny part deux, as Shane's miracle hairdressing hands transformed evil and cunning Adele into a Jennyclone with a new wardrobe and all. And here's a thought: what is the link between Nikki and Adele?

I'm still unsure what Jenny's Daddy/toadie sees in her, but then Jenny's charm is generally lost on me. Plus, ask yourself: if you were given the opportunity of your life to direct a movie, wouldn't you be reading up feverishly in your trailer on how to scream 'Lights, camera, action' and 'cut' and 'that's a wrap' instead of shopping for your PA? I thought so.

Moments that stand out:
- Bette and Tina having tea instead of getting their freak on at Phyllis' party. Remember the 'boring' scene on the yacht, where Bette tossed her cocktail into the water?
- The fashion forward outfits: wellies, a noeud papillon and a silver sparkley bib?
- The sheen on Tina's cheeks after the goodness: picture make-up artist with spray bottle at hand.
- Joyce Wishnia: she's da man!

Alarm bells going off:
-Tina saying she hasn't quite sorted everything out yet (no, we saw what happened last season when you said that).
-Nikki and Adele: it is Adele who suggests buying the pendant for Nikki. And think about it, she 'convinced' Nikki to stay in the movie...

Photos courtesy of the fiercest pheromone and didielekker.blogspot.com

The L Word Season 5 Episode 5 - Lookin' at you, kid

SPOILERS INCLUDED SO TURN BACK IF YOU WANT TO REMAIN VIRGINALLY UNSPOILT

Oh my God, did this episode bring back memories for you too? I mean, pot brownies? One summer my sister decided to cook up a batch, burnt them slightly, so thought nothing of cutting away those sides that looked a little too frittered. My mum, on the hunt for something sweet, found them... and had a wonderful sleep that afternoon. We eventually fessed up to her after which she ignored us for a full week. Ah, the golden age of heedless youth!

By the way, if you need a recipe, look no further. You could probably even adapt Nigella's cake recipe from below if you are looking for a more orangy flavour.

But on to more serious things now: I dubbed this week's episode nuclear fallout.

Following from the kiss that rocked numerous Tibette shippers' world last week, making them all go a little wonky around the knees, this week's episode was obviously dealing with the ramifications of such a lip lock. The lovely ladies - the lighting was particularly favourable this episode, Bette's smokey eye make-up too, and we got a peak of some Beals cleavage - obviously need to face the music and dance, as was obvious during the Bette/Tina discussion as Bette left the party. The writers are obviously trying to keep us wondering. I'm inclined to say that Bette and Tina will not get back together at this point, but in the twisted minds of the L Word writers a lot can happen... in just one episode. Viz. Jodi taking Tina home to sleep on Bette's couch.

But so much else happened in this episode, so let's zoom on to my new favourite storyline: Alice/Tasha. Dang, Rose Rollins looks pretty vicious when she gets angry. You don't want to get on her bad side, do you? Now the issue of outing is much discussed in the LGBT community and the L Word is no different. On the one hand, I can see what Alice is trying to get at: living out a secret gay life and being a gay basher at the same time is wrong. However, given the context of her own relationship and the fact that Tasha is probably about to have her fine ass court-marshalled (or whatever it is that they do in the military) for that same reason, her decision was disrespectful. Nobody needs to be dragged out of the closet kicking and screaming. Speaking of which... Nikki and Jenny sitting in a tree, closet... K-I-S-S-I-N-G. Privacy. Such a complex issue.

Jenny/Adele/Max: is it just me or is Adele starting to remind you of something out of the House of the Spirits (go here and look around 1:08 for those of you haven't read the book by Isabel Allende) ? Turns up in the most unexpected places, with that haunting Mona Lisa smile. Eerie, isn't it? Meanwhile, Max is reinventing himself as Nancy Drew with chin fur. And what about the madness of Queen Shecter? I'm beginning to realize that Mia Kirshner must be having one helluva time hamming it up to a new level every episode, even going so far as to scratch her armpit? But be careful, Mia, you're only one step away from Glenn Close's Cruella De Vil at this point, although Jenny would never even consider real fur.

Shane: It has a conscience. Egads. She actually surprised me when she asked Cindy to call her lover Dawn. And by the way, Cindy is a whole lotta woman. If those breasts are real, then remind me to order them for my next life.

Shane vs. the tanorexics: lesbian death match? Or the WWF for lesbians? Seems to me like our girlies are cruising for a bruising by the hands of Dawn Denbo?

I suppose I have to say something about the party (since it finally started) and the characters meeting their alter egos but it's all way too meta-fiction for me, and reminds me of that movie 'The French Lieutenant's Woman' that we discussed in school or even Adaptation or that movie with Emma Thompson, Stranger than Fiction. Since I have a whopping cold, my brain refuses to function properly and I feel that I might spew such expressions as post-modern condition and meta-narrative.

Hilarious moments: the award has to go to Bette.
Filing a noise complaint with the police, while the noise is in your own swimming pool in your own backyard. And this immortal quote: "I'm flabbergasted, I'm flabbergasted that she cast such a white actress. She's white. Was Mary fucking Poppins not available?".
Jenny's remark about being fashion-forward: somehow her outfit reminded me of something that Sounder the dog would wear?

Halfway through the season and I'm waiting for the dust to settle after this episode to see what the L Word Team will be springing on us next.

PS - if you're wondering where this week's title came from, then just remember that we'll always have Paris...


But what does it mean for the rest of the L Word? The beginning of a long, drawn-out adieu?

The L Word Season 5 Episode 4 - Let's get this party started

If you don't like spoilers, then this is the wrong post for you.

Ironically enough, before I started to write this post, I had to go look up the title of the eppy that I just watched. Then, somewhere deep inside my brain, the cogs and wheels started churning. No, it wasn't Pink that I thought of, although one would have been forgiven for seeing pink, given the interior of the new She-Bar...

No, no, I was reminded of the following:


Yup, it's Dame Shirley Bassey singing thàt song. After this little camp interlude, on to more things pink: what's up with Bette and the fuchsia this episode? The eyeshadow, the tops, the mini-purse? First we have the Charlie's Angel pink lipstick last episode, now this. Is this a harbinger of things to come?

Some random thoughts and questions about this episode.

- the self-defence class: I'll take this as a subtle hint that we should all go take one. Here's a little tip though: I usually just take my safety key and insert it in between my index and middle finger on the way home, figuring that nobody is interested in the equivalent of an ice pick anywhere near their eyes or nether regions.
But such undercurrents everywhere. Bette's discomfort upon finding out about Miss Augmented Boobs, Shane resenting the pro's abs, Jenny's infantile lashing out, Jodie's visible discontent at Bette's arms wrapped around Tina, etc. I'm surprised they all made it out unscathed. By the way, did you notice Jenny chewing the cud the Nicorette?

- And while I'm on the subject - please explain the Shenny love to me? Shane caressing Jenny's hair in the gym, the comment about the see-through dress in her bedroom... When did Jenny promote to BFF? Does Shane know something about Jenny that we are yet to discover? Or worse, are they setting up a Shenny cathartic hook up by the end of this season?

- This episode signified the much heralded arrival of the tanorexics from South Beach and their trendy, lounge-like venue appropriately named She-Bar. I thought it said Sheba at first, which is the brand name of cat food over here. The interior of the bar looks my ex's living room, but then she's into interior decoration and champagne. Maybe I should suggest that she hire some go-go dancers... nah, scratch that.

- It took them five seasons to show us a threesome (if you don't count Shane sleeping with twins in the previous series and Mark videoing them).

-Cue to Alice and Tasha. I was informed by my SO, who is very knowledgeable about these matters, that those military guys were out of line. Apparently, you are not obliged to let them in (Alice's first error), and secondly, they are not allowed to touch anything in your place. Civilian/military, get it? Anyway, I'm liking this storyline a lot. Rose Rollins, of course, has a serious eye candy factor going on but she also delivers her lines very sincerely, which only serves to endear the character to me even more. Tasha's apology at Beech's house was so heart-rendering. Well-written, I thought. I'm interested to see how they'll wrap this one up, given that the army of course hasn't changed its position on gay people that much.

- Podcast/vlog. What's in a word, eh? And now that there's an online chart, the original chart on the white board met with its demise.

- To me, Max and Kit continue to drift on the sea that is the L-Word (maybe they got stuck in the dinghy instead of Jenny?). I'm not sure that the writers know what to do with them at this point. Kit continues to be a shallow reflection of her Foxy Brown self ('What if this MF has a gun?'), while Max has been obviously created to drive home some point (Ilene Chaiken is in fact a woman, who wants to be a man, who wants to be a woman? No, wait, that's Victor Victoria!). Max at She-bar: come to think of it, how did Max make it past the lady with the list, while Kit & Co didn't?

- Bette and Jodie: wow, how hot is Dean Porter? Were you just as irritated as I was though, when Jodie was chomping away on Bette's grapes without asking? My hand was just itching to slap hers. I am somewhat of a control freak, I'll admit to that. And why is it that when these two kiss I want to run out of the room and into the street screaming like a banshee? They remind me of two ships in the mist.

- And finally: yes, Bette and Tina did kiss. What a homecoming. How sad that Bette cried.

- For me this episode was all about standards. Setting them, sticking to them, letting them slip. Let me clarify. Shane getting it on with the two nightclub owners. Bette refusing to wear the little pink VIP bracelet in She-Bar, slipping it over her glass instead (she refuses to be meat-tagged?). Bette berating Jodie over the incident in class, with the student and the fake gun (be sensitive to other people's feelings). Alice signing a non-disclosure agreement and then filming people at the party with her iphoneclamshell (I officially envy her now for her gadgetry and thanks Luscious, I stand corrected). Tasha's behaviour (now there's a standard to adhere to). And I gather that some people are quite uncomfortable about what is perceived as another act of infidelity on Bette's behalf.

So on the whole another interesting episode. I'm already looking forward to what episode 5 will bring.

The L Word - Season 5 episode 3: Lady of the Lake

DO NOT READ IF YOU PREFER TO REMAIN SPOILER-FREE

As the skies are rumbling over my homestead, I sit here pondering the episode of the L Word that I’ve just seen. I’m quietly bemused about the fact that the episode that I have just viewed is mostly good, in fact excellent in places. Incredibly enough, I laughed out loud on several occasions.

A few of the cherser moments:

* Bev’s Angels: Alice’s Farrah flip was picture perfect, but what about the campdom that was Rachel Shelley? I was in stitches, she was priceless. In fact the whole scene was: the clothes, the wigs, the blush… Now if that gaydar could have just been a real bullet for Jenny? Wishful thinking on my behalf.

* Then there was the return of Mama P, or the incredible Peggy ‘I’ll do you family style’… Can you spell P-L-A-S-T-I-C-S-U-R-G-E-R-Y? Honey, if Holland Taylor smiled any broader her butt crack would rip. Still, I loved the way they filmed her from the back, swishing through that prison corridor.

* Just as I was really getting into the Helena/Dusty storyline, we all have to watch aghast as Helena walks off into the sunset (couldn’t they just have reserved this fate for Jenny? Why?), presumably off to the Neverland of Taha’a… where she will be reunited with her ‘prison butch’ and they will remain eternally young and gorgeous, and have coconut-milk drenched sex on the beach? I’m sorry, I’m getting carried away here.

* Classic moment: Jodie in the car saying ‘you’ll love him’ about her friend Michelangelo. The bells of doom were already ringing, as we all know when someone makes a statement like that you are bound to hate them the minute you set eyes on them. This weekend was doomed to bomb and Bette in the water was quite like a bomb.

* This was a very snobbish episode, don’t you think? The book Bette was reading by the way was ‘Verandah people’ by Jonathan Bennet, for those who want to expand their library.

* The cardio lady’s boobs: yeah, we all knew they were augmented from the minute the nipples popped into our eyes… Yikes.

* Poor Max: who would have thought that I would ever say this? Total parve, completely neutral… nobody is interested. I find myself wanting to defend her. What a change a season can make.

* On a final note: I’m quite interested to see where the Tasha/Alice storyline will go. I think it will all end in tears… but what an impassioned soapbox speech Tasha made to Beech. And a good point too: if you can function in the military, and be gay, why should you have to be booted, or discharged, as they like to put it?

* Alas poor Shane. I knew her, you know….

Better sign off now because the thunder is becoming increasingly ominous. Nothing like a good winter storm when you’re all alone at home with nobody to cuddle up to…

The L Word - Season 5 episode 2: look out, here they come

DO NOT READ BELOW IF YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED IN SPOILERS.


The photo* above is an accurate rendering of my expression during this episode. Amused yet slightly bemused. Some random remarks in no particular order.

Let me start by saying that the title, 'Look out, here they come', could also be taken literally this episode, thanks to Shane's antics at a wedding.

After 'let's get pregnant sex' and 'holy moly, you are so pregnant sex', 'on the carpet of our new flat' sex, 'in my phenomenal beach condo' sex and temporary incarceration sex (yes, remember Bette and the nail and hammer lady?), we were served a plate of prison sex during this episode. Predictable, but fun nonetheless.

I also made a point of cleaning my glasses very meticulously before this episode but I still missed the chemistry between the Bette and Jodie characters. But maybe it's just me. When they were kissing over dinner, I wanted to poke out my own eyes for some reason. The horror, the horror. But again, maybe it's just moi. The prison shower scene came a close second. Too much flesh. Really.

The Tasha character is slowly and insidiously worming its way into my heart. And surprisingly enough, so is Max. Is it me or has Daniela Sea's acting improved (no, I have not been hitting the sauce tonight). Although now that I've heard that she's hanging out with Paris Hilton, I will revise my opinion.

Did you also spot Pam Grier's Foxy Brown moment? Mmmmm, mama. All she needed was to snap her fingers and do that Bette thing with the arm and I would have screamed 'You go girl' at the screen.

I was irritated at times by the music, and felt it was somewhat too overbearing. I was somewhat irritated at the ties that they inflict on Jane Lynch. I was even more irritated by la Schecter. Please, die already. And take your scary assistant with you.

In conclusion, overall a good episode, but I'm still waiting for that zing that I used to feel during Season 1.

* photo courtesy of Dorothy Surrenders.

The L Word - Season 5 Episode 1

Yes, I have seen the episode. No, I was not overly enthusiastic about it, for all the wrong nitpicking reasons. Tina Kennard's face in this photo gives an adequate description of my mixed feelings.

Do not read below if you're not interested in spoilers.

First of all, the fit of Bette's bra was atrocious, with skin escaping from under the underwire, which, the wardrobe girl should have corrected. Women should learn to wear the right type of bra, with the right type of fit. Grrrrrr.

The character of Jenny has managed to rise to new levels of irritation. Somebody must be doing some bad drugs, if they think that I find this amusing. Conclusion: I am sure the outcome of this season will be some kind of catharsis for Jenny, where she is taken down a few pegs. In the meantime, suffer or record the eppy, in which case you can fast forward. The rewrite of her script had my heckles up, if only because it was sooo bad (and no, I'm not angling for a job in this department). Are we to believe that an ageing Stavros Niarchos type would be interested in 'Hello I'm such a lesbian' OTT Jenny? The answer is NOT.

Shane does what she always does best: being Shane. The same applies to Max. Rien n'a changé.

And the curious glances between Bette and Tina are obviously designed to string us along for another season or two.

Toss in some Cybill Shepherd (I'm not sure what the point of this storyline is, unless by the end of this season she goes back to her hubby), the prison story arc for Helena (nothing like some prison sex in orange overalls for those undersexed viewers) and the political story of Tasha (and Alice), and voilà episode 1.

This episode was streamed on that chart site, hence it was cleaned up a little. No F-Word (but we got the L-word instead), even The Betty's act (the theme song) was windexed a little, although they cast some major blurs over Tina's assets breasts, and Shane's nakedness during her sex scene.

Conclusion: I'll keep watching, finger on the remote to zap Jenny where necessary, for my own viewing comfort, but as yet, I'm not on board of this train.

Photo: courtesy of didielekker.blogspot.com

Damages?

Thanks to the delectable Dorothy Snarker, I have discovered that there is a series on American TV named Damages with Glenn Close as a headliner.

For the moment, all I have to go by are the screen caps and promo shots of course. But hey, tailored suits, Glenn Close, what more does a girl need to get through the weekend? Looking at the photos, she reminded of the character of Joyce Wischnia in the L Word for a nanosecond. But better-looking?

That said, I can only assume that we will have to wait another four years before it hits Belgium. Grmmmbl. Must talk to my so about relocating back to the US. Unfortunately, that would also mean having to deal with seven thousand ads being fired at your retina every hour. I don't know if I can handle that much non-information.

Anyway, off I go to find out more about this series... (from the same people who gave us Nip/Tuck so there is hope yet, girls.).

UPDATE - I've been catching up on this series and I love it!

The L word, the next season and some Bette Porter loveliness

So what is going on in the world of the L Word, I ask myself?
As I am not a dedicated follower of the girls on mediaboulevard and twop, I wouldn't know.

My eyes have detected a spoilerish trailer, which is weaving its way through the internet, raising the hopes in hearts of many a fangirl.

What can I say? Initially, during season 1, I was captivated by the whole concept. Women who looked like women, a couple considering a baby, both holding an interesting a job, a circle of friends that was witty and fun to hang around with... and then everything derailed and went horribly black, as we all watched, appalled how Shane left her wife to be standing all alone in snowy Canada at the altar, how Bette drove away into the night with Baby Angelica, etc.
I looked at the lesbians around me and thought: surely, this is not the way that we live, and looooooove?

Anyway, I look forward to the horror, the horror of next season. In the meantime, I tend to look at spoilers from behind my interlaced fingers and click on new trailers on youtube.

Let the countdown begin.

--- In the meantime, to keep you dreaming, here is some Bette Porter loveliness (courtesy of the Fabulous Jennifer Beals Yahoo Group via FeroForum).