The hand that rocked our cradle

22/03/2008

There's an urban legend that says that men think about sex every seven seconds. Women a lot less, I am told.
Who knows? Who cares?

When you're in a long-term relationship, however, this mere fact can tip the balance severely.

The impact of parenthood on any (lesbian) relationship cannot be underestimated as my SO and I have witnessed first-hand in our own relationship and the relationships around us.

To this date, we have knowledge of 5 lesbian couples breaking up, one being on the verge of breaking up and one couple that was on the verge. I won't even discuss the straight couples here.
What is it precisely that rocks the cradle?

I can only give my own take, as ours was the 'on the verge' relationship.

Three years ago we welcomed our munchkin into our lives. It was an event that had been discussed at length, planned at length and at the end of the day took much less time than we ever expected.
Cue, one year and two extremely tired mothers later. While trying to juggle the obligations of parenthood and work, we simply lost sight of the one aspect that had brought us this far in the first place: ourselves.
We drifted, on very different seas.

One morning, I looked at my SO and was forced to admit that when she said the sun is shining, and it was actually raining, I no longer believed her.
I took a long hard look in the mirror and realised that the same probably applied to myself. Where had those girls of the summer of 1997 gone? It was a tough discussion, one that occasionally still gives rise to some extremely poisonous barbs from my loved one.

As time passed, the subject lay dormant between us, and we circled it with some apprehension. Little did we know the answer would come from an unexpected angle.

Recently, my SO underwent some rather invasive surgery. The operation led to some minute changes in her appearance - a change of haircut, pregnancy clothes to alleviate the pressure on her scar - and an extended leave at home.
Gone were the circles under the eyes, the severe hairstyle, with hair drawn back, the uniform for work.
Eyes that had always been light sparkled once again in a rested face, framed by hair, that was, well, hair again. I rediscovered curves on her body that I had forgotten existed. I found myself wanting to be near her again, feel her skin touching mine at night, nuzzling up to her by day.
In short, I found her sexy again. Her external appearance enhanced all of those aspects of her personality that attracted me to her in the first place.

So a word of advice to impending mothers: while the care of your child takes a lot out of you, you should never lose sight of that other priority. Yourselves.

2 messages:

Vikki said...

This is all so very true. My partner and I are about to celebrate 15 years together and having two young kids has certainly taken a lot out of us. We are only now beginning to breathe again (youngest child is now 3) and finding time to focus on each other.

Lula de Montes said...

@Vikki: Same here. One and only is three, and madness, we're thinking of having a second. Although some days we question our ability to do so and retain our sanity. I'm glad to hear my thoughts reflected.

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